a plan means there's hope
Just before summer, I hit the infamous part of the PhD where everything feels hopeless and you're considering quitting the entire thing. I've (mostly) recovered now, after a break and some supportive conversations with friends and loved ones. Now it's time to dig myself out the ditch I fell into.
I have two issues I have to deal with. The first is that my confidence has been eroded. The second is that my well of creativity has dried out after several ideas not working out, in addition to feeling pressed for time.
When building confidence I need to accomplish goals. The bar must be low enough for me to consistently hit the goals, but high enough to make meaningful progress. I'm making three sets of daily goals, depending on how much capacity I have on a given day. Experiencing more success than failure takes some time after a rut, but it's worth it.
In order to fill the creative well I need input and to feel sufficiently secure. Creativity does not thrive under pressure and worry. I feel inspired when reading, and want to make more space for that. To convince my body that I am fine and that we don't need to freak out, doing something creative with lower stakes tends to have a spillover effect for me. This can be home projects or making something with my hands.
To get my creative juices flowing, I need breaks. My daily goals include going for a walk to clear my head and move my body. You'd think that research and writing is mental labour, but my body is part of it. Caring for the body through sleep, nutrition, and movement is part of taking writing seriously.
Years ago, I saw someone on sick leave have six daily goals for their recovery. This was doing something productive, something creative, something physical, something social, and something mentally challenging - every day. Level of activity adjusted according to the day. I'm not putting this on my to do-list, but to get out of this funk (and stay out of it) I need to keep a well-rounded existence.